Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
