nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
