I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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