I cannot find my penis.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
