she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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