i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
