i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i barfeds in our rink
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
