Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
it's great music for shaving your balls
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
