last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize