That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
