I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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