Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
