dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Randomize
