If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
