just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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