i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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