I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize