her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
