Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
