I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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