You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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