i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
