How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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