This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
