also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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