Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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