with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize