I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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