thus making me awesome and them whores
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
