she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
