Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
