4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just had sex on a roof
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
