The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
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