I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
