the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
