At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
