I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
