Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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