Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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