oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
