I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
