this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
