there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize