dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
