How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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