Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
