I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I lost the right to judge tonight
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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