Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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