There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
the liver wants what the liver wants
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
