Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
