false alarm. still invincible.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
