Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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