She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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