i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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