I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize