My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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