So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize