y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
