He is an equal opportunity slut.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
