dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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