U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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