My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
