We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
