in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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