I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize