I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
