Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
