he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
