my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
